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Results Returned: 128
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Useful Expressions: For HIGH STRESS DAYS!
"I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people."
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
""Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.""
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
""Nope, no more booze for me.""
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
""Sorry, but you are not really my type.""
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
""Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?""
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
"I'm not interested in fighting you."
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Things that are downright IMPOSSIBLE to say when you are drunk
""Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Any Man who brings a camera to a buck's night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Unless you are in a prison, never fight naked.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Women who claim they ""love to watch sports"" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin,smear his chair with cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""The morning after you and a girl who was formerly ""just a friend"" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
"It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours."
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 3 litres. Thou shalt not really but a car with less than 4 litres, 16 valves and a turbo.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.""
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Helpful hints for an Australian gentleman
""The girl who replies to the question ""What do you want for Christmas?"" with ""If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"" gets a Playstation.""
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"Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.!!!"
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""Remember ""I""! before ""E"", except in Budweiser.""
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""To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!""
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees or lower back."
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WARNING:
"The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people."
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WARNING:
"the crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode."
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"Every man should get married some time;"
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"Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper."
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""When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why? When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why??""
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""When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure one thing: either the car is new or the wife.""
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